There is much current discussion about women and abuse.
On Friday night I was assaulted.
The experience was terrifying. This is not the first time that I have been assaulted.
I occurred in my car. After verbally abusing me, then growling ferociously, my attacker sunk his teeth into my left jaw and pressed my face against the car window, with both hands and then attempted to gouge my eyes with his fingers. His grip was very strong and I fought in self defence. I scratched his face in an attempt to get him off me.
I was forced to drive to my home and the abuse continued. Verbal abuse and more physical.
My attacker forced himself into one of my upstairs rooms and pressed me onto the bed with his full weight and pushed his face onto mine. I could hardly breathe. He began to growl, like an animal and then cried all over my face and pulled my hair, locking me under his body and face. I grabbed his face and started to plead, "Please don't rape me, please don't kill me".
He cried again and said that I had to sleep with him in the other room. He held me in a tight grip, so that I could not move. I waited for him to fall asleep and lay there for several hours, in fear for my life. I prayed until the sun started to rise. I left the room and went to the bathroom, then the other bedroom.
Why did I not call 999? Because in these circumstances you are only thinking about staying alive. It is better to dumb down and concede to avoid further assault, and to pray for your own safety. If I were to pick up my phone, it may have put me in further danger.
In the morning I let myself out, placidly and calmly with my dog, and went to do the only thing I could do in such circumstances.
I now have protection.
I saw my doctor this morning to notify him of the incident. I was checked for any facial injury that was sustained - slight swelling in my lower jaw and some scratch marks under my left eye - also to ask him if there is likelihood of receiving help from Victim Support to discuss the actual trauma and the possibility of PTSD.
Violence towards women must be stopped. No woman is safe. Men are stronger and terrifying, when angry or psychotic, and they can use this to their advantage. I would not have a hope of overpowering a 13 stone man, raging in psychosis.
I am, yet again, sleeping with knives under my pillow.
I will need to install a security system.
My next dog - Doberman.
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