...well, maybe not quite that much but I do love you lots"
A card from my sister this morning. It has twenty cats illustrated on the front.
I read it both ways:
I love you more than I love cats (nearly)
I love you more than your cats love you (nearly)
Both appropriate. My sister loves kitties (not a dog person) Chinese Year of the Cat/Rabbit
Her kitty passed away this month. She was eighteen. Beautiful Hebe. RIP.
My cats have all loved me and I have loved them. My current kitty only loves me. She is super cautious of everyone. With me she is soppy and purry and follows me like a shadow. When I come home she greets me with my pooch. There are many signs, in cat behaviour, that show your kitty loves you. It is not just 'cupboard love'. She is my heaven sent kitty.
Pets are very soothing in situations like this.
Today, is 8 days after the assault incident.
I always have delayed reactions to trauma. Firstly, I stay practical and focused on the practicalities (it's like a self-protective mechanism) then, when all things are in place I tend to have my emotional reaction to any given situation that is stressful or traumatic.
Today, and last night, I felt that I was unstable. My hands shake and I feel a little depressed and self-protective and very fragile.
I am lucky to have the support within my community and from close friends - who are keeping a very close eye on me and helping me to keep my spirits up.
There is a community event (Running Club) today. My friend/neighbour and I have made food to bring. It is the annual BBQ and Rounders game and it will be fun and a great distraction.
My facial injuries seem to have healed, and the internal bruising seems to have subsided. I am probably now in a state of shock and post traumatic stress. However, I am keeping myself grounded and calm. I expect that these injuries will classify as 'Actual Bodily Harm' (ABH)
My victim statement interviewer has informed me that we cannot assess if my attacker will plead 'guilty' or 'not guilty'.
Any statements that I make/have made will be supporting me in the trial.
I am making notes, via this blog, to understand the process and how it is going on a practical level and on a personal level (as a victim of assault)
Over everything, I am keeping a mindset of gratitude to all of the support (Sussex Police, friends, family, doctor, security companies, my pets) that I am receiving and it has rather enforced my understanding on why violence against women is so unacceptable. Point blank. Period. Unacceptable.
I am not the only woman I know who has undergone violence at the hands of men. I am acquainted with women who have been in women's refuge centres after experiencing domestic abuse and physical violence and stalking.
I am very aware that I am not the only woman in the world who has experienced such horror.
Many crimes against women slip through the net unreported. Why? Because no woman wishes to aggravate an already violent situation, by involving police, or that the attackers had left the building (fled - in the case of rape-and-run or assault-and-run in a public place)
The reason that I did not call the police in the instance, as it happened, was because I did not want to aggravate and also because it is the last thing that you think of doing when you are just hoping to stay alive. In my case, I hoped and prayed to make it through the night without any further attack. I reasoned that it would make more sense to comply - to keep the situation calm. You cannot argue with an irrational person, operating from a place of anger and psychosis. It does not work.
Violence against women can happen in the domestic environment or in the street. Neither one is better or worse. They are both unacceptable offences whether within the home - where the attacker is known - or in the street, where the attacker/s are strangers.
It's a beautiful day and I will be with friends and acquaintances who are a lovely bunch.
Talking of bunches, my friend just arrived with a bunch/bouquet of flowers from Elaine - one of the volunteers at the Martlets - a well wishing gesture. How lucky am I? How thankful am I?
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