It will be my Dad's 82nd Birthday on 31/07
He is doing very well on it. For an early birthday treat we met up at the Uckfield Picture House restaurant.
I arrived early and was lead to our reserved table. It was raining. I had a hooded jacket and a polar bear coat. When I sat down, next to a nice couple, in their late seventies/early eighties - my coat took up a lot of space.
They did not mind. the lady of the couple said that it was a lovely coat. I had felt a bit self conscious walking in, because I was in heels and 'dressed up' in a 'wiggle dress'. Burgundy lace with a deep 'V' back.
I glanced around the restaurant. I was the most 'dressed'. I like to make the effort. Especially for my dad, who always dresses smart.
I waited a good ten minutes, before he arrived.
It was nice to see him, and I felt relieved. It's ok to sit alone. I noticed 'looks' from other diners. Perused the menu and asked for some water.
Dad was in a good mood, good spirits. I have noticed how he's been slowly recovering from his grief.
He arrived with yet another plastic bag of 'found objects' that had belonged to mummy. One of them was a tiny New Testament bible and the other was a book with beautiful nature photos of sunsets and sheep and pastoral scenes ,'The Lord is My Shepherd, Psalm 23'.
It is, in my opinion the most beautiful Psalm, which is probably why I had gifted it to her. It relates to nature. I love nature and the words certainly resonate with me.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness, for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
I have to mentally adapt this. I do not agree with gender stereotyping of G-d, as G-d has no gender (or is both male and female - as we all are) Yin Yang. The symbol of Yin Yang represents the male and female balance. The white with black dot represents the male energy and the black with white spot represents the female energy. We all have both male and female energy. We are complete. The difficulty is in balancing these two energies within us. Having the understanding that G-d is a universal energy comprised of male and female energies, is therefore applicable to ourselves. G-d is source energy and we all come from source.
These words, from Psalm 23, tell me that no matter how alone you think you are, you are not. G-d/The Universe always has your back, through the good bits and the bad bits. This is the most comforting of all the Psalms.
I had written inside the front leaf, '9/3/86 with love to Mummy on Mother's Day from Laura'.
I had not seen this book since 1986. It was thoughtful of Dad to give it to me.
My sister had taken him to a matinee play on the Wednesday. He had enjoyed himself. It's nice to indulge your parents, especially when they are widowed. I have sen him struggling. I like to see him as often as I can.
The act who was due to perform had been cancelled, due to 'family matters', and Dad was a bit disgruntled at the cover act. He was what my dad would describe as an 'old crooner' - which I thought was a bit unfair. Give people a chance. It's harsh to have to be the understudy for someone because there will always be a degree of disappointment amongst the (cynical) audience.
We shared pizza and a Greek mezze plater. I let dad decide. We ordered a Pinot bottle of wine.
When I was in my early twenties, dad and I would meet up in London and he would take me to underground Jazz clubs. There was one time, when some of his colleagues were there, they had thought that I was his 'girlfriend/bit on the side', and he played along with it for a bit of fun. I was super pretty, and was modelling - at the time. It was funny when he then let on that I was his second daughter. To see their faces, kinda embarrassed. It was funny.
I think that the couple next to us, and on the other side, had assumed that I was my dad's date. I did not feel the need to correct anyone. What people think is none of my business.
We had the most enjoyable evening. We got to chat with the couple next to us. The lady of the couple was sure that she recognised my dad. It transpired that they were both members of the local squash club, in the divisions. She had also seen him in a play, with the Rotherfield Players (from the time when he was a member).
When I had nipped outside, they had established that I was his daughter, and then chatted with me a little.
During the second half there was a vacated table near to the front, near to the singer. We took it. It was better close up. He was singing a lot of old jazz and rat pack songs, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis etc. His personality saw him through, he was funny, between songs and he did well to win the audience over.
I drove home in the rain and the dark. It was a struggle, retina burning headlights and wet roads. Not my favourite driving conditions.
I slept a lot. I went to the beach with my pooch for the afternoon. The sea was choppy and I collected some flotsam and jetsam (driftwood and feathers) It was peaceful.
A quiet 'me day'.
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